Texas Talk!

The first Texan says, "My name is Roger. I own 150,000 acres. I have 1,000 head of cattle and they call my place The Jolly Roger."

The second Texan says, "My name is John. I own 250,000 acres. I have 5,000 head of cattle and they call my place Big John's Rancho."

They both look down at the Jewish man who says, "My name is Irving and I own 40 acres."

Roger looks down at him and say, "40 Acres? What do you raise?"

"Nothing" Irving says.

"Well then, what do you call it?" asked John.

The little old Jewish man says, "Downtown Dallas."

Delicious Tags:

jew, jews, dallas, downtown, acres, cattle, texas, ranch, jewish, rich, cowboys, cow+boy, cowboy,

Nuts!

What do you have if you have nuts on the wall?
Walnuts!

What do you have if you have nuts on your chest?
Chestnuts!

What do you have if you have nuts on your chin?
Chin nuts?
no, you'd have a cock in your mouth!

Wanna Buy a Tie?

A fleeing Hezbullah guerrilla, desperate for water, was plodding through the desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties.

The Arab asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first."

"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom."

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back, near collapse.
"Your brother won't let me in without a tie."

Delicious Tags:

tie, water, desert, jewish, hezbullah, lebanon, jew, palestine, restaurant, ,