Mr. Penis Requests a Promotion

Mr. Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:
- has to work hard
- has to work at great depths
- has to work upside down
- has no ventilation or air conditioned work environment
- has to work in a high humidity environment
- has to work at high temperatures
- does not get weekends and holidays off
- does not get time off after extra hours of work
- has a hazardous work environment that often causes illness

Management Reply:
- Request denied ------- for the following reasons
- does not work 8 hours straight during any work period
- does not answer immediately to all requests
- coworkers often unsatisfied by job performance
- after a short activity period, falls asleep
- shows no evidence of fidelity at the workplace
- works better alone than with others
- does not work at all unless pushed from behind
- does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work
- sometimes leaves work too early