Missing Rooster

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing!

The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.

During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?

All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

Halloween Joke

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you"She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills the cabdriver's fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?""Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Golfer and Leprechaun

An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.

"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye know what happens if you can catch a Leprechaun - you get three wishes, so whaddya want?"

"Oh, I don't want anything" the golfer answers in relief. "I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want if I were a human – a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by and the American golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

"T'was me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"
"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"
"Why, it's incredible!" the golfer states. When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100.00 bills I didn't know how they ever got there!"
"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's okay".
"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, occasionally twice a week."

"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?"
"Well," says the golfer... "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."