Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?
A: Zero - a mountain climber is a scaler.
Showing posts with label elephant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label elephant. Show all posts
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Jungle Jokes
What has 6 legs, 3 ears, 4 tusks, and 2 trunks?
An elephant with spare parts
Where do you find most elephants ?
Usually depends on where you left them...
How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan!
Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
The fridge isn't large enough to hold them all.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Riding a Horse - a trick question
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed
On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a kangaroo, and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?!
If you don't know, see answer below.
Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!!!
On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a kangaroo, and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?!
If you don't know, see answer below.
Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!!!
Six Wise, Blind Elephants
[This is a take on an old parable about 6 wise blind men trying to find what elephants are like]
Six wise, blind elephants were discussing what humans were like. Failing to agree, they decided to determine what humans were like by direct experience.
The first wise, blind elephant felt the human, and declared, "Humans are flat."
The other wise, blind elephants, after similarly feeling the human, agreed.
Six wise, blind elephants were discussing what humans were like. Failing to agree, they decided to determine what humans were like by direct experience.
The first wise, blind elephant felt the human, and declared, "Humans are flat."
The other wise, blind elephants, after similarly feeling the human, agreed.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Erectile Dysfunction - Experimental Treatment
Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?"
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."
Jack asks sadly, "And that would be?"
"Well," the Doctor explains, "What we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."
Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."
Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and healing, returned to the Doc for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack "healed and ready for action".
Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town, anticipating a happy conclusion to the evening.
In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful.
To release the pressure, Jack placed his napkin on his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, flipped the napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his pants!
His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the possibilities, said with a sly smile and a gleam in her eye, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"
Jack groaned, "Probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my ass."
After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."
Jack asks sadly, "And that would be?"
"Well," the Doctor explains, "What we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."
Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."
Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and healing, returned to the Doc for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack "healed and ready for action".
Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town, anticipating a happy conclusion to the evening.
In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful.
To release the pressure, Jack placed his napkin on his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, flipped the napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his pants!
His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the possibilities, said with a sly smile and a gleam in her eye, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"
Jack groaned, "Probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my ass."
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