Tiger's Ex

A guy took his new girlfriend to a bed and breakfast.

The girlfriend casually mentions, "Yeah, my previous boyfriend is a well known guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

The couple make passionate love later in the day.

When they are done, the guy gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the girl.

The guy says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The guy puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The guy again says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The girl asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods. to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

Newly Weds - Golf Joke!

A newlywed couple arrive at their honeymoon suite and prepare to have sex for the first time. As they start to settle under the covers, she tells her husband, "I've got a confession. I was dating Tiger Wood before you."

Her husband is surprised by this response but tells her, "Well it's 2003, that's not unusual for you to have dated someone."

So they make love for the first time and when they finish he gets up and goes to the room phone. His wife rolls over and asks,

"What are you doing?"

He tells her, "I'm hungry. I was gonna call room service. Do you want anything?"

"Tiger wouldn't have done," she says.

"Oh really? What would Tiger have done," he asks.

"Tiger would have come back to bed and made love to me a second time."

So her husband puts down the phone and gets back to bed and makes love to his wife a second time. After they finish he gets out of bed and walks to the phone again. Again his wife asks,

"What are you doing?"

"Well I never called room service the first time and I'm still hungry," he replies.

"Tiger wouldn't have done that," she again tells him.

"Oh really. And what would Tiger have done?"

"Tiger would have come back to bed and made love to me a third time," she says.

So her husband goes back to bed and makes love to her for a third time. After finally finishing he rolls out of bed again and goes to the phone.

"Calling room service again?" she asks.

"No! I'm calling Tiger so I can find out what the par is for this damn hole!!"

Golf and Rain

6 AM. Joe curses at his alarm clock, changes and brushes his teeth and heads out the door with his golf bag.
Its raining outside, not really heavily, but its cold and unpleasant. On the way to the golf course the rain increases in intensity and the guy says, WTF, he decides his buddies can do without him so he turns around and drives home.

Takes off his clothes and hops back into bed besides his wife.
The wife sleepily snuggles up and says, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out there playing golf in that shit."

Rules for Indoor Golf

Rules for Indoor Golf

1.Each player will furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.

2.Course to be played must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3.Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

4.For the most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the stiffness of the shaft before play begins.

5.Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

6.The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until course owner is satisfied. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7.It is usually considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arriving at the course. The experienced player will normally admire the entire course with special attention paid to well formed bunkers.

8.Players are cautioned not to mention any other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.

9.Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, especially on a different course being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to get irate if they find someone else playing what they considered to be their own private course.

10.Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some owners may be embarrassed if their course is temporarily under repair and the player is advised to use
tact in this determination. However, advanced players will
find alternate means of play when this is the case.

11.It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

12.Course owners shall be the sole judge of who is the best player.

13.Players are not permitted to tee off on the back nine without permission of the course owner.

14. If your ball lands in the rough, there may be a multi-stroke penalty.

15. All equipment should be thoroughly cleaned before and after play.

16. At no time may you land any equipment in a water hazard without invitation.


17. A supplemental guide to handicapping may be issued later.


League rules
Adventurous players may establish a private league. Some of the league rules include:


1. Members of the league may elect to play multiple courses in a single round. This is only permitted if all course owners agree.

2. Teams may be established, however tee order is up to the course owner(s).


3. If you are having equipment difficulties, you should allow other league players to continue until your equipment is at playing standard. In league play you may request assistance in equipment maintenance if you choose.

4. If the course owner allows, multiple team member may play any combination of designated holes, simultaneously. However course owner rules must be followed or the offending team member(s) may have their equipment taken out of play and be removed from the league.

5. Protective gear is recommended in single play. It is mandatory in league play.

6. Scoring is optional, however successful player will score every time.

Golfer and Leprechaun

An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.

"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye know what happens if you can catch a Leprechaun - you get three wishes, so whaddya want?"

"Oh, I don't want anything" the golfer answers in relief. "I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want if I were a human – a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by and the American golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

"T'was me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"
"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"
"Why, it's incredible!" the golfer states. When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100.00 bills I didn't know how they ever got there!"
"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's okay".
"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, occasionally twice a week."

"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?"
"Well," says the golfer... "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."