Female reproductive organ - Synonyms

The female reproductive organ. Synonyms include:

copher, cunt, pussy, twat, cooter, beaver, fish lips, taco, camel toe, muff, snatch, fuck hole, garage, oven, love button, penis glove, cock sock, cock pocket, JJ, hoohah, bajingo, cum dumpster, sperm bottle, goop chute, slit, trim, quim, pooter, love rug, poontang, poonanie, cooch, tunnel of love, vertical bacon sandwich, bearded clam, cookie, cooleyhopper, nookie, the pink, honey pot, cunny, vag, meat curtains, hatchet wound, putz, fur burger, box, front bottom, gash, kebab, kitty, minge, snapper, catfish, vertical smile, lovebox, love canal, nana, flower, the cum dump, chocha, black hole, sperm sucker, fish sandwich, cock warmer, whisker biscuit, carpet, deep socket, cum craver, cock squeezer, slice of heaven, flesh cavern, the great divide, cherry, tongue depressor, clit slit,laps, fuzz box, fuzzy wuzzy, glory hole, grumble, man in the boat, mud flaps, mound, peach, piss flaps, the fish flap, he furry cup, stench-trench, wizard's sleeve, DNA dumpster, tuna town, split dick, bikini bizkit, cock holster, cockpit, snooch, kitty kat, poody tat, grassy knoll, cold cut combo, Jewel box, rosebud, curly curtains, furry furnace, slop hole, velcro love triangle, nether lips, where Uncle's doodle goes, altar of love, cupid's cupboard, bird's nest, bucket, cock-chafer, love glove, serpent socket, spunk-pot, hairy doughnut, fun hatch, spasm chasm, red lane, stinky speedway, bacon hole, belly entrance, sugar basin, sweet briar, breakfast of champions, wookie, fish mitten, fuck pocket, hump hole, pink circle, silk igloo, scrambled eggs between the legs, black oak, Republic of Labia, juice box, Golden Palace, fetus flaps, skins, sausage wallet, Holiest of Holies, sugar hole, The Death of Adam, home plate, Deer Hoof, Golden Arches, Cats Paw, Mule Nose, Yo Yo Smuggler, Mumbler, Dinner Roll, Crotch Waffle, Piss Fenders, crack, Melvin, Dove Breast, Brakepads, Vedgie, Slurpy, Vacuum Vulva, Pastrami Flaps, Hot Tamaki Walk, Buffalo Gums,Rooster Jaws, Wagon Ruts, Beaver Teeth, Mumble Pants, Ninja Boot, Marcia, Skin Canoe, Fatty, Mossy Jaw, The Big W, Chia Hole, Lip Jeans, Beetle Hood, Hungry Minge, Welly Top, Frum, Pancake Fold, Tongue Roll, Bologna Flap-Over, Furrogi (Poland), Fortune Nookie, Bearded Taco, Calamari Cockring, Displabia, Slot Pocket, Bluntfrunt, Fishamjig, Pole Magnet, Pocket Pie, Clamarama, kitty cage, Chicken's tongue, Conch shell, Crack of heaven, Dog's mouth, Door of life, Fly catcher, Fruit cup, Jelly roll, Lobster pot, bunny tuft, knish, her asshole neighbor, lotus, nappy dugout, moneymaker, womens weapon, tackle box, bone hider, red sea, pizzo, jizz recepticle, The Helmut Hide-A-Way, hairy heaven, furry 8 ball rack, crave cave, arbys with fur, fish canyon, toolshed, snake charmer, Furby, Enchilada of love, Ham sandwich, Camarillo brillo, Brazilian caterpillar, dick rack, boy in the canoe, flesh tuxedo, Mound of Venus, queef quarters, Venus butterfly, cream canal, apple pie, pie, wet mark, private area, thresher, punash, salami garage, slurpee machine, pink cookie, penalty box, ground zero, meat crease, bait, birth canal, holy grail, pole hole, pork pie, fuzz bucket, one-eyed python trail, bubble gum by the bum, stink rink, theme park, saloon doors, pink truffle, bitter & twisted, burger bar, meat counter, temperamental ringpiece, python syphon, big bud, the Wombsday Book, the condo downstate, snake lake, the indoor barbecue, pound cake, beef tomato, tickled pink, launch pad, horn of plenty, the indoor picnic, hamper of goodies, flapped bap, bonefish, close encounter with the turd kind, sperm bank, man's charity bash, bush tucker, midnight dip, the one-door vulva, the welcome opponent, the Twatlantic Ocean, temporary lodgings, field of dreams, bean, cooze, old catchers mitt, devil's hole, lucy, pish buffet, pooswaa, poonaner, davey jones locker, pink panther, tinker bell, south mouth, dick eater, wonder bread, wolly bolly, foxhole, hot pocket, head catcher, Lawrence of A Labia, silk funnel, dick driver, purple people penis eater, ponchita, cherry pop tart, fat rabbit, scunt, pee jaws, mingus, The Notorious V.A.G., dugout, babyoven, penis parking, cooter muffin, the promised land, cha cha, the shrine, bitch ditch, fury pink mink, mammal hole, ever-lasting cum stopper, the toothless blow job, happy flappy, wilt chamberlian's daily glove, the code defierthe salt water taffy factory, mommy's pie, the easy bake oven, the deflower patch, the virginator, the schlong sucker, the dea bone patch, the vegitarian's temptation, the vegan store, the blow hole, the pump protector, bag pipe, Spitball Bullseye, meat wagon, pickle stinker, jezebel's smell, yoni, willys haven, scrumpter, peach, sweat box, yeast pocket, penis warmer, tampon tunnel, penis pothole, cucumber canal, egg drop Box, sperm shack, dick dungeon, cock curator, b.o.b.'s bungalow, mommy parts, tuna pot pie, nice slice, peter vise, rack of clam, peters grove, penis purse, grandest canyon, fish dish, banana box, tuna spread, pink portal, count fapula, red river gorge, happy valley, revolving in/out door, baby zipper, richards house, stop-n-pop, bone polisher, packin shack, weiner wrap, clap trap, dildo hotel, axe gash, pearl hotel, sea food six pack, clam canal, coose canal, dick deposit, wand waxer, vidgie, erie canal, candy kiss, gauntlet, round mound of beehound,lick n' stick, lap flounder, tomahawk chop, chin-chin, pachinko, cuntry pie, lip tip, the big casino, one eyed worm hole, amazon forest, cock cave, fuck donut, coochie pop, babby, wet seal, pissy froth hole, bald biscuit, the unmentionable, mans ruin, peeshie, hairy potter, courtney cocksleve, panty hamster,deep pink, jaws of life, gizmo, faith, cock magnet, slippery slide, Meat tunnel, pink heaven, squid, dick basket, hot spot, poochika, pudding, bowl, love cave, squeeze-box, he bone collector, goodie basket, depository, pink turtleneck, bread-box, little debbie, pole hole, pandora's box,snail tracker, cuntzilla, homebase, pud pocket, bear trap, indian bones and the temple of poon, chanch, big montana, noochie, choot, golden valley, nappy roots, dick mitten, mystical fold, red bread, meat locker, douche luge, pushin cushion, cocktease

Defining Vagina

The vagina is a buggy, often catastrophically so, feature of the Female Edition of the Human Being version 1.0. After approximately 13 to 16 years of proper operation, the vagina becomes problematic and starts failing periodically (no pun intended) around once a month. This in turn leads to the corruption (often permanent) of the mental faculties of the host. Whenever this happens, the individual in question is commonly referred to as "a bitch."

It is widely expected by pundits and pollsters alike that the vagina will be either entirely removed or fixed by the next release of Homo Sapiens Sapiens. When asked about any current patches to resolve this issue in existing organisms, Evolution clearly stated that it has "no resources available at the moment." In addition, it was widely made known by Nature that the vagina was a design decision "not fully thought-out." As a result, humanity has suffered the devastating consequences, on a roughly monthly basis.

Black Powder

A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan.

"What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager.

"I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women's vagina and it makes it taste like a peach."

"I don't think we can give you a loan." he replied.

So the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money.

The same bank manager said, "Congratulations, I guess that idea for black powder really paid off."

"Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder."

"Really," replied the bank manager. "What does it do?"

"Do you have a peach?"

Crazy Kamasutra!

Learn these kamasutra positions.

Penthouse forum Letter - It Is Never Going To Happen

Forum Fodder
(An actual article printed in Penthouse Forum)

I never thought I would ever have an experience like I frequently read about in your magazine--and I was right.
It was ten minutes past five o'clock at the office, and I was just getting started with a bunch of work that was due the next morning. When I saw how much needed to be done, I called out to my secretary.
Denise is a leggy blonde with the most perfect set of tits I have ever seen, and I have often imagined what it would be like to fuck her.
Unfortunately, she had already left for the day. I didn't even have the chance to ask her to stay late and help me. Therefore, we weren't there until midnight, and upon completion of the work, I did not offer her a beer. There was no conversation that turned to sex, and I did not compliment her on her terrific body.
In no way whatsoever did she suddenly pounce on me and force her tongue down my throat. Nor did her hand ever find the bulge in my pants. Had anyone been there, they would not have seen her lick her full lips nor heard her say, 'I've been wanting to fuck your fat cock ever since I started working here,' or any other sexually suggestive remark.
In fact, Bob from marketing did stop by to see how I was getting on. Just ask him if he heard or saw anything of the kind.
Her unzipping my fly and exposing my blood-engorged member is pure fiction, as is any notion of her first licking the precome ooze from the head of my throbbing cock before putting the whole length of it in her mouth and sucking it in long, slow movements. I was not brought to the brink of orgasm again and again--or even once--only to have her stop right before I came. Likewise, I cannot say that she was begging for me to fuck her aching pussy.
I don't know what Denise was doing that night, but she certainly wasn't pulling up her dress and guiding my hand to the passion-soaked crotch of her panties. Needless to say, I didn't put one finger, then two, into her steamy sex, making her squeal with delight.
She never took off her panties while fixing me with a gaze of pure lust. And though it's true that I was sitting in my chair that evening, she was definitely not straddling me, guiding my love shaft into her pulsating pussy. We didn't fuck like two animals in the forest, and, I'm sorry to say, I never had the opportunity to explore the innermost recesses of her pleasure cave with my cock.
If she reached down and rubbed her clit that night, it wasn't with me, and if she had a shuddering orgasm that let loose a cascade of pussy juice, I missed it. My man-tool was not waiting to explode. I never took it out of her pussy or, while it was slippery with her juices, jacked off, sending a shower of hot, steamy come all over her neck and chest.
Nope. Nothing like that. I worked until about two, then I went home.

--Name and address withheld

Synonyms for Masturbation

For Men:
Blueball baseball
Caping the crusader
Cheating on your left hand
Choke the chicken
Clampin the cucumber
Committing mass spermicide
Date with miss michigan
Five knuckle shuffle
Flicking the bean
Foreplay with Fistina
Going on a date with Hangela and Vaselina
Grippin the gipper
"I'll be in the bathroom reading, Dear!". Ofcourse, spraying some air freshner afterwards makes it more believable!
Jerkin the chicken
Jerkin' the gerkin
Make the bald guy spit
Milking the trouser snake
Peeling some chilies
Playin the plunger
Playing a little 5 on 1
Polishin the pole
Polishing the porksword
Pullin the pud
Punchin' the munchkin
Rapid one arm pull-ups
Rosting the donut
Rosy palm and her 5 sisters
Roughing up the Suspect
Shaking Hands With The Unemployed
Slappin the monkey
Spanking the monkey
Spittin spunk
Strokin the poker
Taking old one eye to see the optometrist
Target practice with the yogurt gun
Tenderizing the tube steak
Tube sock tango
Waxing your stinger
Work the hand cream dispenser
Wrestling the bald headed champion
Yank da crank
Yank my Doodle (It's a Dandy)
Yanking your crank
Yanking your Yoda
Zipper Olympics

For Women:
Applying lip gloss
Applying nail polish remover
Banging the box
Bashing the gash
Basting the tuna
Beating around the bush
Beating the Beaver
Brushing your afro
Butterin' the muffin
Checking my oil
Diddle the middle
Doodling the noodle
Draining your tuna
Paddlin' the pink canoe
Parting the Red Sea
Polishing my shoes
Producing whore moans (hormones, get it? ;^)
Putting out the fire
Reading braille
Stinky pinky
Stirring the honey pot
Strumming C Minor
The disappearing finger trick
The ole feel n' squeal