The Honeymoon Is Over

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!"

"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"

"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"

Personal Ads - Buff exec Seeks Frumpy Gal, Soured on Romance

Buff exec seeks frumpy gal, soured on romance.

Hey there! I'm a tall, fit, successful, Beemer driving, 34 yo, vgl SWM looking for a romance/LTR with a shorter, rounder, kinda sarcastic and cynical woman in her mid 20s to early 40s. A plus if you're Asian and relentlessly shallow and materialistic! Must be ready to push me around, make me do the shopping, cooking, etc. You should have a chip on both shoulders and a bad attitude and be completely soured on love and men in general. Let me carry all your baggage. I know you're looking for work and plan to get back to the gym...so you may only have just 3 or 4 days a week to hang out and make me feel bad, but that will have to do...after all, it's what you want that counts. And of course...no sex until we have lost interest.
ciao

Romantic Rhymes

These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but the least romantic second line

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime