A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan.
"What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager.
"I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women's vagina and it makes it taste like a peach."
"I don't think we can give you a loan." he replied.
So the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money.
The same bank manager said, "Congratulations, I guess that idea for black powder really paid off."
"Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder."
"Really," replied the bank manager. "What does it do?"
"Do you have a peach?"
Saturday, February 24, 2007
The Little House
In Mexico the guys often have a main wife and a second one and they supposedly don't know about each other.
The Senora is mad at her ole' man and says, "Don't think I don't know about your other wife in the little house?"
"Whatcha talkin' bout? This the little house." he answers.
The Senora is mad at her ole' man and says, "Don't think I don't know about your other wife in the little house?"
"Whatcha talkin' bout? This the little house." he answers.
Strawberry?
PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
Sensitive Document
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
The CEO said with a worried expression, "This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"
"Sure," said the young executive, eager to gain points with the big wig. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Thank you so much!" said the CEO. "I need two copies."
The CEO said with a worried expression, "This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"
"Sure," said the young executive, eager to gain points with the big wig. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Thank you so much!" said the CEO. "I need two copies."
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
The Truck Driver and The Cowboy
A guy is driving his truck down the road one day, and he sees a cowboy waving him down on the side of the road. As he pulls up to him, the cowboy pulls out a huge gun, points it at him, and yells "Get out of the car right now!"
Scared out of his wits, the driver gets out of the car where the cowboy leads him off the road a bit. The cowboy, still frantically pointing the gun at him, yells "I want you to beat off!"
"What?!?!?"
The Cowboy sticks the gun in his nose and yells "You heard me, now beat off!" The guy reluctantly complies. He's about to zip-up and the cowboy yells "Do it again!!!!"
"Huh?"
"Do it again, or I'll blow your head off!!!!"
The guy struggles and manages to do it again. As he completes it, the cowboy yells "Again!!!!".
The guy says "There's no way!"
"Do it or your dead!"
He struggles and struggles, gets it up, and manages to get a little drop out. Totally exhausted, he's laying there on the ground. The cowboy turns his head to the left and whistles real loud. I drop-dead gorgeous girl steps out from behind a rock and starts walking over.
The cowboy pushes his hat back on his head and says "Gee, Mister, would you give my sister a ride into town?"
Scared out of his wits, the driver gets out of the car where the cowboy leads him off the road a bit. The cowboy, still frantically pointing the gun at him, yells "I want you to beat off!"
"What?!?!?"
The Cowboy sticks the gun in his nose and yells "You heard me, now beat off!" The guy reluctantly complies. He's about to zip-up and the cowboy yells "Do it again!!!!"
"Huh?"
"Do it again, or I'll blow your head off!!!!"
The guy struggles and manages to do it again. As he completes it, the cowboy yells "Again!!!!".
The guy says "There's no way!"
"Do it or your dead!"
He struggles and struggles, gets it up, and manages to get a little drop out. Totally exhausted, he's laying there on the ground. The cowboy turns his head to the left and whistles real loud. I drop-dead gorgeous girl steps out from behind a rock and starts walking over.
The cowboy pushes his hat back on his head and says "Gee, Mister, would you give my sister a ride into town?"
Pinocchio
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they had sex. Pinocchio therefore went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
Female Prayer
Now as I lay down to go to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One whose thingy is thick and long!
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair & opens the door,
Massages my back & begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say when I ask " how big's my behind?"
One who will make love till my body's a twitchin',
In the hall, the shower, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no-end,
And never attempt to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the jackass you sent me instead!
A-Man
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One whose thingy is thick and long!
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair & opens the door,
Massages my back & begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say when I ask " how big's my behind?"
One who will make love till my body's a twitchin',
In the hall, the shower, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no-end,
And never attempt to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the jackass you sent me instead!
A-Man
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Missing Rooster
The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing!
The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?
All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?
All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
Many Years After Marriage....
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."
Jamaican Sandals
A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners ! Come in. Come into my humble shop !" So the married couple walked in.
The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak ?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon."
So the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years ! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on the wrong feet ! You got dem on the wrong feet!!"
The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.
The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak ?"
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon."
So the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years ! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on the wrong feet ! You got dem on the wrong feet!!"
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