BUENOS DIAS!!!
JOU HAFF YUST RECEIBED A MEHICAN BYRUS.
SIN WE NO HABE SO GOOD TECHNIOLOGICALLY ADBANCE IN MEHICO, DEES IS A
MANUAL BYRUS.
PLEESE DELETE ALL JOUR FILES ON JOUR HARD-DRIVE JOURSELF AND SEND DEES
E-MAIL TO EBERYONE JOU KNOW.
TANK JOU FOR HALPING ME.
JULIO MANUEL JOSE FELIPE PABLO JAIME HECTOR RODRIGUEZ-GARCIA
----MEXICAN HACKER---
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Evening Classes For Men And Women
NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN
1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
2. Bathroom paper rolls: Do they grow on the holders? Roundtable discussion.
3: Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and graphics.
4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: Can they levitate and fly into kitchen sink?
5. Loss of identity: Losing the remote to your significant other. Help line and support groups.
6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open Forum.
7. Health watch: Bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audio tape.
8. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
10. Learning to live: Basic differences between mother and wife. On-line class and role-playing.
11. How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
12. How to fight Cerebral Atrophy: Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late.
NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR WOMEN
Women think they already know everything, but wait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
2. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
3. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
4. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
5. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
6. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
7. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking
8. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging
9. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
10. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
11. Introduction to Parking
12. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
13. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
14. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
15. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
16. Cooking III: How NOT to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
17. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
18. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
19. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
20. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have Worn
1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
2. Bathroom paper rolls: Do they grow on the holders? Roundtable discussion.
3: Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and graphics.
4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: Can they levitate and fly into kitchen sink?
5. Loss of identity: Losing the remote to your significant other. Help line and support groups.
6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open Forum.
7. Health watch: Bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audio tape.
8. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
10. Learning to live: Basic differences between mother and wife. On-line class and role-playing.
11. How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
12. How to fight Cerebral Atrophy: Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late.
NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR WOMEN
Women think they already know everything, but wait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
2. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
3. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
4. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
5. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
6. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
7. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking
8. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging
9. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
10. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
11. Introduction to Parking
12. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
13. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
14. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
15. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
16. Cooking III: How NOT to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
17. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
18. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
19. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
20. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have Worn
That's awful!
Mrs. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell her that her husband's been in a terrible automobile accident. She rushes to the hospital, runs into the ER and says her husband's been in an accident. They tell her Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out into the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mrs. Jones.
"Mrs. Jones?" the doctor asks.
"Yes, doctor, what's happened? How is my husband?"
The doctor sits next to her and says, "Not good news, I'm afraid. Your husband's accident resulted in two fractures of his spine."
"Oh my God!" says Mrs. Jones, "What is the prognosis?"
"Well, Mrs. Jones, the good news is his vital signs are stable. However, his spine is inoperable. He'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed him."
Mrs. Jones begins to sob...
"And you'll have to turn him in his bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."
Mrs. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly...
"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have to diaper him as he'll have no control over his bladder and, of course, these diapers must be changed at least five times a day."
Mrs. Jones begins to shake as she cries, sobs, wails... The doctor continues:
"And you'll have to clean up his feces on a regular basis, as he'll have no control over his sphincters. His bowels will engorge whenever and quite often, I'm afraid. Of course, you must clean him immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent he'll be emitting regularly."
Now Mrs. Jones is convulsing, sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass.
Just then, Dr. Smith reaches out his hand, pats Mrs. Jones on the shoulder, and says, "Hey, I'm just messin' with you. He's dead."
"Mrs. Jones?" the doctor asks.
"Yes, doctor, what's happened? How is my husband?"
The doctor sits next to her and says, "Not good news, I'm afraid. Your husband's accident resulted in two fractures of his spine."
"Oh my God!" says Mrs. Jones, "What is the prognosis?"
"Well, Mrs. Jones, the good news is his vital signs are stable. However, his spine is inoperable. He'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed him."
Mrs. Jones begins to sob...
"And you'll have to turn him in his bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."
Mrs. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly...
"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have to diaper him as he'll have no control over his bladder and, of course, these diapers must be changed at least five times a day."
Mrs. Jones begins to shake as she cries, sobs, wails... The doctor continues:
"And you'll have to clean up his feces on a regular basis, as he'll have no control over his sphincters. His bowels will engorge whenever and quite often, I'm afraid. Of course, you must clean him immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent he'll be emitting regularly."
Now Mrs. Jones is convulsing, sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass.
Just then, Dr. Smith reaches out his hand, pats Mrs. Jones on the shoulder, and says, "Hey, I'm just messin' with you. He's dead."
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Deep Thoughts - Ass
LIFE - It's all about ass...
You're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
or trying to get a piece of it.
You're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
or trying to get a piece of it.
How Well Can You Read?
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!
1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
The average person over 40 years of age can't do it!
1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.
Mistress
A woman spotted her husband in a restaurant dining with a much younger woman. Storming up to the table the wife demands "who is this woman?!"
Her husband calmly replies, "Oh, this is my mistress."
The women loses it. "That's it," she cries, "I'm filing for divorce tomorrow!!"
"Listen," he says, "Remember the pre-nuptials that you signed? if you get a divorce, you will lose the loft, the merc, won't be able to go on the extravagant trips anymore. Why don't you sleep on it?"
The wife scowls and leaves.
A couple weeks later, the husband and wife are dining in the same restaurant, when they see a male friend of theirs with a young woman who isn't his wife.
"Who's that woman with Pete?" hisses the wife.
"That's his mistress," replies the husband.
After a pause, she says "ours is prettier."
Her husband calmly replies, "Oh, this is my mistress."
The women loses it. "That's it," she cries, "I'm filing for divorce tomorrow!!"
"Listen," he says, "Remember the pre-nuptials that you signed? if you get a divorce, you will lose the loft, the merc, won't be able to go on the extravagant trips anymore. Why don't you sleep on it?"
The wife scowls and leaves.
A couple weeks later, the husband and wife are dining in the same restaurant, when they see a male friend of theirs with a young woman who isn't his wife.
"Who's that woman with Pete?" hisses the wife.
"That's his mistress," replies the husband.
After a pause, she says "ours is prettier."
Where Do You Want To Live?
You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can Live in Los Angeles California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.You think Central Park is "nature,"
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.
You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
OR You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
You can Live in Los Angeles California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.You think Central Park is "nature,"
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
You can Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.
You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"
OR You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds
What They Mean When They Say?
WOMEN:
1. Yes MEANS No
2. No MEANS Yes
3. Maybe MEANS No
4. We need... MEANS I want.
5. I am sorry MEANS you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk MEANS I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead MEANS I don't want you to
8. Do what you want MEANS You'll pay for this later
9. I am not upset MEANS Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. Are you listening to me? MEANS Too late, you're toast
11. You have to learn to communicate MEANS Just agree with me you moron!
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights MEANS I have flabby thighs
13. You're so manly MEANS You need a shave and you sweat a lot
14. Do you love me? MEANS I am going to ask for something very expensive
15. It's your decision MEANS The correct decision should be obvious by now
16. You're certainly attentive tonight MEANS Is sex all you ever think about?
17. I'll be ready in a minute MEANS Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
18. How much do you love me? MEANS I did something today and you're really not going to like it.
MEN'S
1. I am hungry MEANS I am hungry
2. I am sleepy MEANS I am sleepy
3. I am tired MEANS I am tired
4. Nice dress MEANS Nice cleavage!
5. I love you MEANS Let's have sex now
6. I am bored MEANS Do you want to have sex?
7. What's wrong? MEANS I guess sex is out of the question
8. May I have this dance? MEANS I'd like to have sex with you
9. Can I call you sometime? MEANS I'd like to have sex with you
10. Do you want to go to a movie? MEANS I'd like to have sex with you
11. Can I take you out to dinner? MEANS I'd like to have sex with you
12. Will you marry me? MEANS I want to make it illegal for other men to to have sex with you.
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage MEANS I want to have sex with you within the next 3 minutes!
14. Let's talk MEANS I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and, well I'd like to have sex with you.
1. Yes MEANS No
2. No MEANS Yes
3. Maybe MEANS No
4. We need... MEANS I want.
5. I am sorry MEANS you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk MEANS I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead MEANS I don't want you to
8. Do what you want MEANS You'll pay for this later
9. I am not upset MEANS Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. Are you listening to me? MEANS Too late, you're toast
11. You have to learn to communicate MEANS Just agree with me you moron!
12. Be romantic, turn out the lights MEANS I have flabby thighs
13. You're so manly MEANS You need a shave and you sweat a lot
14. Do you love me? MEANS I am going to ask for something very expensive
15. It's your decision MEANS The correct decision should be obvious by now
16. You're certainly attentive tonight MEANS Is sex all you ever think about?
17. I'll be ready in a minute MEANS Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
18. How much do you love me? MEANS I did something today and you're really not going to like it.
MEN'S
1. I am hungry MEANS I am hungry
2. I am sleepy MEANS I am sleepy
3. I am tired MEANS I am tired
4. Nice dress MEANS Nice cleavage!
5. I love you MEANS Let's have sex now
6. I am bored MEANS Do you want to have sex?
7. What's wrong? MEANS I guess sex is out of the question
8. May I have this dance? MEANS I'd like to have sex with you
9. Can I call you sometime? MEANS I'd like to have sex with you
10. Do you want to go to a movie? MEANS I'd like to have sex with you
11. Can I take you out to dinner? MEANS I'd like to have sex with you
12. Will you marry me? MEANS I want to make it illegal for other men to to have sex with you.
13. You look tense, let me give you a massage MEANS I want to have sex with you within the next 3 minutes!
14. Let's talk MEANS I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and, well I'd like to have sex with you.
Little Johnny Wants to Get Married
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Little Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Little Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Mr. Smith replies, "Well, Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Johnny replies with confidence "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job.You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Little Johnny replies thoughtfully, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Little Johnny has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.
After a second, Mr. Smith says,"Well, Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Little Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says
"Well, we've been lucky so far..."
Little Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Mr. Smith replies, "Well, Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Johnny replies with confidence "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job.You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Little Johnny replies thoughtfully, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Little Johnny has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.
After a second, Mr. Smith says,"Well, Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Little Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says
"Well, we've been lucky so far..."
Come To Me
Eau de Blonde
Two blondes walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it.
"That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?"
Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?"
"Viens a moi" replies the store clerk.
"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"
The store clerk offers some more help, "Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French.
"Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks,
"That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"
Two blondes walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it.
"That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?"
Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?"
"Viens a moi" replies the store clerk.
"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"
The store clerk offers some more help, "Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French.
"Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks,
"That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)