“Business Finance” contributing editor Dan Danbom interviewed Lingua in his New York City office.
Danbom: Is being a Cliché expert a full-time job?
Lingua: Bottom line is I have a full plate 24/7.
D: Is it hard to keep up with the seemingly endless supply of
Clichés that spew from business?
L: Some days, I don’t have the bandwidth. It’s like drinking
from a fire hydrant.
D: So it’s difficult?
L: Harder than nailing Jell-O to the wall.
D: Where do most Clichés come from?
L: Stakeholders push the envelope until it’s outside the box.
D: How do you track them once they’ve been coined?
L: It’s like herding cats.
D: Can you predict whether a phrase is going to become a
Cliché?
L: Yes. I skate to where the puck’s going to be. Because if
you aren’t the lead dog, you’re not providing a customer-
centric proactive solution.
D: Give us a new buzzword that we’ll be hearing ad nauseam.
L: “Enronitis” could be a next-generation player.
D: Do people understand your role as a Cliché expert?
L: No, they can’t get their arms around that. But they
aren’t incented to.
D: How do people know you’re a Cliché expert?
L: I walk the walk and talk the talk.
D: Did incomprehensibility come naturally to you?
L: I wasn’t wired that way, but it became mission-critical as
I strategically focused on my go-forward plan.
D: What did you do to develop this talent?
L: It’s not rocket science. It’s not brain surgery. When
you drill down to the granular level, it’s just basic
blocking and tackling.
D: How do you know if you’re successful in your work?
L: At the end of the day, it’s all about robust, world-class
language solutions.
D: How do you stay ahead of others in the buzzword industry?
L: Net-net, my value proposition is based on maximizing
synergies and being first to market with a leveraged,
value-added deliverable. That’s the opportunity space on
a level playing field.
D: Does everyone in business eventually devolve into the sort
of mindless drivel you spout?
L: If you walk like a duck and talk like a duck, you’re a
duck. They all drink the Kool-Aid.
D: Do you read “Dilbert” in the newspaper?
L: My knowledge base is deselective of fiber media.
D: Does that mean “no”?
L: Negative.
D: Does THAT mean “no”?
L: Let’s take your issues offline.
D: No, we are not going to take them “offline.”
L: You have a result-driven mind-set that isn’t a strategic
fit with my game plan.
D: I want to push your face in.
L: Your call is very important to me.
D: How can you live with yourself?
L: I eat my own dog food. My vision is to monetize scalable
supply chains.
D: When are you going to quit this?
L: I may eventually exit the business to pursue other career
opportunities.
D: I hate you.
L: Take it and run with it.
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